The Early Bird
by borgprincess
Summary: Janeway's awake and ruminating early in the morning a good thing, since Seven interrupts with some difficult questions she's been fretting over


---Author's Note: This is set after 'Relativity', however, references to episodes such as 'Repentance' means that those episodes have, in this timeline, occurred prior to 'Relativity'.

**The Early Bird**

Janeway looked around her quarters with a frown twisting her lips. It felt- cold, barren…it was as though no one really lived there. Chakotay's quarters, on the other hand, had his signature stamped all over it; you couldn't mix it up with anyone else's. Taking a look around hers again, it struck her that her quarters looked almost exactly as they had when she'd first moved in.

Maybe she should brighten up the place a little…Janeway rolled her eyes. "0200 is not the time to be thinking of interior design." A sudden thought struck her.

For the first few months, pictures of her family, Molly, of Mark and Earth had featured prominently in her quarters, however, she had packed them away when the sight began to bring on instant homesickness to the point she started living in her ready room and on the bridge.

Perhaps she should put up more recent pictures, of her new family. Janeway strode over to a particular drawer and pulled out a few armloads of pictures to dump on her bed. Her eyebrows rose at the number of pictures she had collected over the years. As a Starfleet officer, she was not attached to many things, which was why her quarters had been so Spartan to date, however, the one thing she was sentimental about keeping was pictures. She began to work her way through the pile, often smiling and chuckling at the memories evoked. There was an album that Kendall Jarvin, from Stellar Cartography, had gifted her with on her birthday; a collection of pictures around and off Voyager. Janeway gave in to helpless laughter as she came across a hilarious one of Tuvok, looking distinctly unamused, recovering from a belly flop in a swamp where he had apparently been searching for a type of nutritious root at the request of Neelix. Dinner that day had gone unsupplemented, much to the relief of crewmembers who had been uncertain whether this new root might be a replacement for leola root, which was thankfully unavailable in this part of the Delta Quadrant.

There were others, including pictures of the production put on last year- a revamped version of Charles Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol'- and of an illicit midnight food fight in the mess hall, again which culminated in an embarrassing picture of Tuvok, as he was submerged in an indeterminate substance composed of ingredients best left unknown. She leafed through some of crewmembers posing in various exotic locations on many of the planets they visited on shore leave; Janeway grinned at the enormous sand castles that had been built in a competition between Astrometrics and Engineering. Then she came across an image of Kes in her garden, kissing a newly opened bloom.

A wave of sadness rocked Janeway. Kes' departure had hit her hard- the absence of a confidant, a trusted friend and daughter by proxy. There was an innocent delight in life and a love for the people around her that immediately encompassed those in Kes' presence, and Janeway missed that. Their talks, whether it be about Kes' fears or Janeway's own problems, a particular situation one had to deal with, their hopes, fears, dreams…the door chime startled her back to harsh reality.

For a moment, Janeway stared in the direction of the door in disbelief, as though her mere thought had conjured Kes. It was ridiculous- but then, 'impossible' had never been a term associated with the Delta Quadrant.

"Come," Janeway called, still with the vague whimsy that Kes would enter hesitantly, apologetic at the late hour, but needing to talk-

"Captain."

Her other 'daughter' stood at the entrance to her bedroom. Janeway's lips twisted in mockery of the direction her thoughts had taken, before she smiled in welcome at Seven. It seemed she had inherited her 'sister's' penchant for late night discussions, although a conversation with Seven differed immensely from a conversation with Kes…

"Captain?" Seven said again, questioningly this time. "Are you well?"

"Yes, yes, Seven. I'm fine," Janeway made a half-hearted attempt to smile again. "Just- woolgathering." Seven looked at her doubtfully. "A human term for day dreaming," Janeway clarified.

"I see," Seven's dry tone left it clear she did not.

Janeway suddenly laughed in genuine amusement as she recalled Seven's comment when they had been aboard the Dauntless; assimilation had been imminent and she had asked Seven whether she understood that being the Captain meant Janeway couldn't always be her friend. "No," had been the answer. "However, if we are assimilated, our minds will become one and I will understand perfectly."

This new 'wool gathering' activity of the Captain's as well as her laughter at nothing apparent that Seven could detect, left the ex-drone even more off balance, and she quizzically raised an eyebrow at Janeway.

"I was just remembering your first joke," Janeway said, then asked quickly before Seven could think of any comment, "Was there something you wished to talk about?"

"Obviously, else I would not be here."

"Seven, correct me if I'm wrong," Janeway raised her eyebrows. "Has the Doctor not been giving you lessons on social interaction?"

"You are correct."

"Remind me to tell him to work harder on it."

Seven inclined her head. "Indeed." Janeway waited for her to continue, but Seven continued to stand there silently.

"Sit down, Seven. Oh, wait," Janeway consigned some of the pictures to the floor to make space. "And don't tell me you'd prefer to stand- I don't need the neck strain."

"Very well," Seven sat. Another few moments of silence ensued.

"What exactly did you want to speak to me about?"

"Yesterday's events, Captain."

"Ah, yes, that tells me a lot," Janeway said dryly, but Seven's hesitancy almost seemed to indicate anxiety, something she had not seen much of in the ex-drone. "Come on, Seven, spit it out in plain language. It's 0200; don't make me play guessing games before I've even had my first coffee."

"Captain, I am- interested in your reasons for keeping me aboard. Would you explain them?" Seven asked at last.

Janeway eyed her, wondering what that had to do with anything, but she made a mental course she's curious, she said to herself. You changed her entire life and you haven't even explained why, really. "Well," she cleared her throat. "You do recall that you were threatening us with assimilation? We had to sever you from the Collective as we do keep 'avoiding assimilation' a top priority on the 'Never Ever in Our Life' list- although things haven't worked out that way since then," Janeway said ruefully, remembering Unimatrix Zero.

"The other drones were ejected from the ship, left to die in space," Seven reminded her.

"However, you did not choose the same fate for me."

Janeway shrugged. "I- felt responsible for you. Starfleet would have been whimpering with its tail between its legs at the thought of facing the Borg, and yet we, a single ship, managed to do that and live to tell the story afterwards. What was keeping a drone and helping her regain her humanity next to that?" Janeway laughed. "That hasn't worked out the way I thought either…"

"I still do not understand your feelings of responsibility," Seven said. "Were you hoping to distinguish yourself by also living to tell the tale of rehabilitating a drone?"

"What's this about, Seven?" Janeway asked sharply, after a shocked silence. "I should think that after all we've been through, you would know that my concern for you is more than simply mercenary."

"I had thought so, too, Captain. But after yesterday, I am experiencing some doubts as to the validity of that belief."

"Seven, you keep hinting about something that happened yesterday, but I'm not part of your Unimatrix, I can't read your mind," Janeway said exasperatedly.

"I do not believe you are the type of individual who acts to set herself apart by performing reckless acts for fame. But I do know from personally observing you that you would risk anything and everything for your crew," Seven said heatedly. "Including keeping a former Borg drone on board to ensure their safety."

For a moment, Janeway wondered if Seven's Borg implants were malfunctioning again, what with this onslaught of paranoia. "Seven, you haven't installed another cortical processing subunit? Because we all recall how well that worked the last-"

"Captain, do not attempt to change the subject!" Seven's voice rose and Janeway saw a suspicious brightness. Seven saw Janeway noticing her tears and said defensively, "My ocular implant is malfunctioning."

Janeway just barely prevented herself from rolling her eyes. Seven was already emotional enough. "Right, I take it that's a no?" At Seven's nod, she went on, "And your basis for this theory of yours?"

"It struck me that when I met your past self and was forced to explain my presence there after you realized that I had been Borg, that your reason for keeping me was not, as you say, out of responsibility for me, but because you knew my presence was vital for you and- myself to save Voyager when-"

"Yes, the tenses are difficult when it comes to temporal paradoxes, isn't it?" Janeway commiserated at the pause, making Seven glare at her. "I'm sorry for being- flippant; believe me, I am not dismissing your concerns as unimportant. I'm just not used to conspiracy theories at 0200."

"I am not accusing you of conspiracy, the definition being 'a secret plan by a group of people,' when you are only one, and the time is now 0227," Seven said through clenched teeth, which interested Janeway.

So, she's experienced anger, remorse, developed a competitive and paranoid streak- and still counting! Janeway thought. Apparently, she's amused by human behaviour, but that's about all that's positive so far…I'm going to have to work on that, I think…

"I stand corrected," Janeway said with grave amusement. "But let me see if I have this straight- you think that I've borne the threat of your contacting and bringing the Borg down on us, your constant arguments, the bucking of authority and protocols, obeying orders when you see fit and amending them otherwise, faced the Borg yet again to rescue you…all while trying to help you on the rocky road to humanity that I've become fixated on accomplishing to the extent that I'm open to all hours discussions to help you with issues you may have…because I couldn't risk altering the future and ending up with Voyager being destroyed as you weren't around?"

Seven nodded. "I do not appreciate your sarcasm, Captain," she said stiffly, but Janeway wasn't having any of it.

"That wasn't really sarcasm, per se, because Voyager's destruction is never a matter to handle with sarcasm, but now, you've said your piece, just give me a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer; does that about sum up your problem?"

Seven's expression was defiant. "Yes."

Janeway's anger melted and she laughed, watching a look of confusion usurp defiance on Seven's face. She leant across and gave Seven a hug.

"Congratulations, Seven. You've just experienced another human emotion."

"Captain?"

Janeway grinned at her. "Welcome to insecurity. It's one of those emotions that you're not going to like, that crops up from time to time, clouding your mind and provoking irrational fears. Seven, if you'd been your normal logical self, you would have seen that this theory has nothing to it! Think about it, your argument is that when my past self realized that you were instrumental in saving Voyager, later on, I was determined to save you to make sure that happened. But the only way I would have known that you were necessary to our survival, is if my future self- who is in the past, I'm just speaking from my past self's point of view here- had already taken you from the Borg, and let you stay on board for that time travelling to occur in the first place!" Seven looked at her blankly. "I couldn't have decided to save you before I met you unless I had already done so, which meant you stayed on Voyager, were approached by Braxton, sent back into the past and met the past me to explain your presence there to. If I hadn't saved you to begin with, you couldn't have gone back into the past to influence my past self. This all hinges on you having been separated from the Borg and kept with us first."

Seven slowly nodded. "That is logical. However, at the time you met me, although our actions yesterday seem so recent, it still would have impacted you before you met me. I accept that you would have had to have saved me first, but after the sabotage, and our actions to prevent it…" Seven looked frustrated. "It is difficult to explain."

Janeway had a considering look on her face. "Computer, access personal logs and display on personal monitor. Open log Stardate…" Janeway studied the entries for a moment. "49143.7. Audio playback." Looking at Seven, she added, "I think you should hear this; it's from after my past self encountered you."

"Captain's Personal Log- Stardate 49143.7:

These past few days have been unsettling, to say the least. Who would've thought that we'd actually ally ourselves with the Borg against a mutual enemy? In fact, who'd have thought there was an enemy greater than the Borg?

But although those events are disconcerting, it is something else that is disturbing me.

Seven of Nine.

It was hard to keep in mind that, to her, that was our first encounter. I certainly never expected that the liaison with the Borg would be the drone I had met three years ago, when I first visited Voyager.

That very first meeting wasn't anything special. She was in the Briefing Room when I came in to see it and I asked her opinion. She said it was 'efficient'. I made a joke about it and

then I and the Admiral left. Seven was a little odd, but nothing special. All ensigns tend to be a little odd around Captains and Admirals; I thought nothing of it.

Then later during the tour, we ran into her again. She was doing the actual running, though, in pursuit of an equally mysterious stranger. The thought that this was no normal ensign was validated when she and the man vanished into thin air. We didn't find out exactly what had happened and I filed it away as a mysterious incident that I would never find the answers to.

But then I met her again- on the other side of the galaxy! She was trapped by our force fields and I was determined to finally get some answers, especially when Tuvok informed she possessed biomechanical implants with a Borg signature! Her story amazed me. I will be a member of your crew, she told me. Incredible. Seven asked me to trust her, with words that she told me I would tell her and which, incidentally, I made sure to use when I met her a few days ago, and then the two of us set off to find the saboteur she had been pursuing- over many years from my perspective, barely hours from hers. We found him, Captain Braxton he was called; it seemed the adventure was over. He gave me tantalizing, brief comments about temporal paradoxes and anomalies that we would encounter. It makes me wonder, whatever will Voyager and I get up to? But then he vanished, gone again and the chase resumed. Something happened then, something so small as to be momentous.

If I had encountered Seven before then, as a Borg drone, keeping her on board and integrating her into the crew would not have been an option.

But in the midst of all the confusion and chaos, before she was transported to yet another timeframe, Seven looked at me and thanked me for my help. She thanked me.

Now when I look at her, still in Borg ensemble, I don't see a drone as the rest of the crew surely do. I see the mysterious ensign, the pretty blonde, the intriguing woman that I worked with, who inspired trust in me even under the extraordinary circumstances, the one who made a point of thanking me in said circumstances. I see that this unfortunate drone, assimilated from six, she tells me, has the potential to become that remarkable woman I met so briefly now and then over the years."

"Computer, halt audio playback," Janeway said. "Seven, I want you to fix that in mind very carefully. Keep an open mind for the next part. Computer, continue playback."

"And I also see my duty to make sure she does. It is clear that my crew and I did a good job with her, manners and all, and that she has made the effort to adapt. We must not fail this time. I must do whatever is necessary and devote my time to her and her reintegration into humanity. Voyager and the lives of the crewmembers aboard her depend on us being able to successfully ensure that she becomes part of our family, just as we did the first time. Or rather, that we will do. In the future, that is. Though from- wait a moment…well, suffice it to say, we better look after her!

It is a tremendous task. My poor crew must wonder at my sanity, and it is difficult not to let them know my motives but we have been through a lot together. They must trust me as I must trust that the future, where Seven is as much a part of our family as anybody else and so is able to come back in time to find and stop the saboteur endeavouring to destroy us, will come true.

Tuvok is the only one who understands my decision and what is at stake. It is amusing though, because it is difficult for him to ignore the security threat that Seven poses. He is, as much as any Vulcan can, fretting over the hand that fate has dealt him, and all its implications. He, poor thing, sees disasters everywhere. I do pity him for having to put up with me and my madcap notions." An amused laugh sounded, before Janeway continued her log, more seriously.

"I myself am feeling optimistic, but I am not a fool; I know that I cannot trust blindly to the future that everything will turn out all right- that is a paradox of a sort in itself.

Seeing what could be and not taking the necessary steps to ensure that it still could be, I mean. The future will involve Voyager and our successful journey home, regardless of people like Braxton who come back in time, or forward, and attempt to sabotage us for encounters that we have not had, yet for which he has felt the repercussions of. Resistance is futile. But, before I continue with analysing the various paradoxes and confuse myself any further, I had better end on a lighter note.

The future, whether it be holding Borg, Species 8472 or time travel- bring it on!

Computer, end log…"

"End of personal log, Stardate 49143.7," the computer announced.

Janeway looked at Seven with raised eyebrows.

"You do state your knowledge of my role in saving Voyager from destruction as a reason to save me," Seven pointed out. "However, that does not appear to be your only reason. My- manners impressed you?"

"Stardate 52842: Seven says "thank you" to Janeway for the first time…" Janeway quoted softly, reminding Seven of when she had thought that Janeway intended to present her to Starfleet for study and dissection after that disastrous experiment with the cortical processing subunit, when Janeway had convinced her that she only wanted what was best for Seven. "You trusted me then. Trust me now."

"So the reason you saved me, other than the fact that I helped save Voyager, a reason which can be subject to debate, given the temporal paradoxes involved, I inspired trust, pity and pride in you, which led to your assumed responsibility of me."

"Oh, Seven, I'd hope you'd have learnt enough about humanity to know that it's never quite that simple."

"Explain."

Janeway kept silent and raised an eyebrow pointedly. It took a moment before Seven realized what Janeway was waiting for.

"Explain, please," she amended her previous request.

"I can tell your heart's not into it," Janeway observed.

Seven tilted her head thoughtfully. "In the Borg, it was not necessary to say 'please' and 'thank you'. Of course, we had no need as there were no questions because our minds were one."

"Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you this way," Janeway said with gentle sarcasm. "Are you feeling homesick?"

"Are you stalling?"

"Vinegar works well with you, but approaching a topic with tact is a skill you need to develop," Janeway told her, tongue firmly in cheek.

"Captain?" The invocation of her title was more impatient than questioning, but Janeway chose to clarify her statement anyway.

"That comes from the saying 'you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar'. Your attitude is forceful. A little too forceful sometimes. Just some friendly advice," she sighed. "I know, I know. But this is something difficult to talk about, to explain. Even with the temporal issues out of the way already, I know I'm going to have a headache."

"The Doctor would then provide you with a suppressant, continue, please."

Janeway considered Seven carefully. "You remember that little chat we had, when you were working to save Iko's life? About it being atonement, and I asked you whether it was for him or for you?"

"I fail to see the relevance," Seven retreated behind the familiar Borg attitude.

"I know you've been raised by the Borg, a serious child care issue, but you've got to cut the apron strings sometime. Now, I'm trying to explain, by offering a frame of reference for you so that you can better understand," Janeway snapped. "Is that all right with you?"

"Proceed."

Janeway let out an exasperated sigh; she had made no headway with Seven whatsoever. Still, she had a responsibility to her of a sort to try to explain.

"You saw someone who had been forced, through no fault of his own, to commit atrocious acts, much as you had been forced by the Borg to do. You could identify in him and by trying to save him, you were in some small way trying to expiate yourself for what you were compelled to do, trying to make amends."

Seven studied the woman she regarded as mentor and de facto mother. "When you freed me from the Collective, you were trying to make amends for some wrong you perceived yourself as doing?"

"Yes."

"What was this wrong?"

Janeway stared at her helplessly. She had hoped Seven would give up that line of questioning once she had the answer, or part of it at any rate, but she should have known Seven would be tenacious as ever. She was conflicted, not wanting to answer, but if she could show Seven she identified with the feelings of guilt and remorse Seven still harboured over actions committed under the Hive influence, then that was worth reopening old wounds.

"Captain," Seven chose her words carefully, trying to exercise that tact that Janeway had mentioned. "This is clearly a difficult subject for you. You have answered some of the questions I had, alleviated my concerns, and so there is no need to continue this conversation while you are in your current state of- discomfort."

A smile softened Janeway's tense expression. "A few questions or so back, I would have accepted. However, we're in this deep, we may as well keep digging. But, Seven," her smile brightened. "Thank you for offering. That makes all the difference."

"Of course, Captain," Seven nodded, hiding her pleasure at the Captain's approval. "You are welcome."

"Anyway," Janeway became all business. "This wrong that we're talking about, I felt, I still feel sometimes, guilty for stranding this crew here. You recall that vast expanse of utter nothingness we went through once, the 'Void' as the crew dubbed it? When the aliens that dwelled there revealed they were suffering from radiation poisoning and that the Malon freighter captain was responsible, we came up with a plan to destroy the Vortex that allowed him to pollute their space."

"I recall that occasion. You wished to embark on the mission by yourself. This is a common trend I have noticed. You do not seem to value your life as highly as others."

"We're not going to go into that right now," Janeway made clear. "Fodder for a philosophical discussion some other time. Anyway, yes, at that time I had lots of time on my hands to think about past decisions that should have been done differently. Such as destroying our only way home."

"You should perhaps turn your efforts to more productive pursuits when this guilt strikes you. Suicide missions can hardly be approved of by Starfleet and more importantly, distinctly unbeneficial to your crew."

"With regards to the more productive pursuits, I did. And Starfleet, well, if I had gone through with my original plan, I would have been too dead to give a damn what Starfleet thought. As for the crew, well, at the time, I believed it to be the best option. It was enough they were in this mess; I wasn't going to sit by and let them languish away in that damn Void when I could do something about it. As I said, I had a lot of time to think about my life and given some rather depressing times in my past…that's not the best of combinations," Janeway said ruefully.

"To quote Lieutenant Paris, you think too much."

Janeway raised her eyebrows. "Mr Paris said that about me?"

"No, his statement regarded me, however, I find it appropriate for you as well."

"Perhaps," Janeway allowed. "Anyway, that's the whole story, fragmented as it is. I needed, much as you did, to save someone after stranding my crew here, I had to feel that our presence here had been justified somehow, that something good had come out of it and you personified that; you were the silver lining in the whole very dark cloud."

"I see," Seven nodded abruptly standing up to leave.

Quintessential Seven, Janeway thought amused. Still, I'm sure the rough edges will smooth over, given time.

But as Seven headed out of the bedroom, she paused by the door.

"What is it, Seven?"

She turned around. "Captain, difficult as this journey may have been at times, personally as an individual and also professionally as a part of your crew, I have not regretted it, and perhaps I do not acknowledge the debt I owe you or convey my gratitude for what you have done for me. But I do realise it and I am grateful. Thank you, Captain." This declaration sounded heartfelt indeed.

"You're very welcome. It's been interesting with you on board," Janeway said, injecting humour into her voice before the sudden tears pricking at her could interfere.

"And Captain. As an impartial witness, I do not believe the crew blame you for your decision. Recall Lieutenant Torres' words recently on Ancestor's Eve- "it gave us time to get to know each other" and we have become a family as a result. No one blames you for your past decisions but yourself." Janeway was struck speechless by that straightforward statement. She was left considering it as Seven departed it.

A few minutes later, Seven's commbadge chirped just as she was about to enter her regeneration cycle.

"Yes?"

"Seven, you owe me no debt, none at all. And thank you. Janeway out."


End file.
